I feel tall

It's out of the blue,
but not anything new,
that I feel tall,
when I stand next to you.

Hello, From Your Punching Bag

You rag on me, you tear me down,
It's not fun being pushed around.
I'm sorry I can't be the sister you want me to be.
I'll never be famous or homecoming queen.
I'm sorry I'm messy
I'm sorry I cry
I'm sorry that you're stuck on the opposite side.
I try really hard to make it work
But it always ends with you calling me jerk.
I never could please you it's always a game
There is no right answer, it ends in shame.

Lack of Color

I want to go back to that place,
where all the rooftops are red...

You're never truly home,
when you're away from where you began...

How can I feel homesick,
For a place I don't even remember,
For a place I havent been since march of 1995.

Nestled in Bavaria, about the size of Albert Lea,
I clenched onto my moms finger with baby hands for the first time.

I've seen the streets of Paris, the waterways that weave through Venice, and to think the very gas chambers of Dachau...

But not here and certainy not now...
I just want to go back. I just want to go back and remember what it was like to forget.

Shorn Sheep

Please,
unburden me of this tangled mane,
whose weight I cannot bear.

Meet Invisigirl.

No, Invisigirl does not have super powers, and she is not a super hero. In fact, I wouldn't call her 'super' at anything. A much more appropriate term would be 'mediocre'. The only thing worse then sucking at something, is being mediocre at everything. So it is like this that Invisigirl goes about her day, endlessly frustrated but also accepting. It's something you can only get used to.
Invisigirl waits for something to happen. Anything that proves she is more than mediocre. Right now you can bet she is waiting. waiting. waiting.

And the bomb drops

Life is like a slap to the face,
or a kick in shins.
No matter what, there is always something that isn't quite right.
It's never what we want to be,
what it was meant to be.
Glitter loses its shine as we realize it looked better on the tv,
and our dreams, well... they looked better in our head.
Just like the blueprints that were perfect on paper,
they crumbled apart when you built it.
Our expectations are far too high to ever be reached.
I mean, come on, who can spin thread into gold?
Or turn water into wine?
Yet you still can make a mountain out of a mole hill,
and cry over spilt milk.

iGravedigger

knife set talons click on the pavement
hunger draws near, takes a wiff, snaps its beak.
beady black eyes size up the heart
gauged out by the others before it
determined worthy
plunges in
ravenous
aorta is ripped out
ventricles on display for the world
atriums crushed and swallowed
till the only evidence
are strewn muscle fibers
and tangled gore
satisfaction glints in fufilled eyes
that vanish
all that is left of my heart
is gone.
thank you.

Pigeons shouldn't cackle at me, that's a job for the crow.

radiant, golden feathers they,
draw me in,
caress my skin,
tell me it's going to be okay...

sparkling eyes
devoured what they saw
spit it back into the sky
when they realized it was raw

if the sea can take it's shells back
and crumble them to dust,
I should be able too...
could be able to...

syndicate

these daggers hang from my chest
red vines creep behind my eyes
resting wolves seethe at my feet
their husky breath stains the air
eyes lacking pupils
irises erased.

Styrofoam Plates

There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes; I threw them to the sea,
but a gust blew them backwards and the sting in my eyes
that you then inflicted was par for the course just as when you were living.
It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father
but the donor of seeds to a poor, single mother that would raise us alone.
We never saw the money that went down your throat
through the hole in your belly.

Thirteen years old in the suburbs of Denver,
standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at the Catholic church.
The servers wore crosses to shield from the sufferance plaguing the others.
Styrofoam plates, cafeteria tables,
charity reeks of cheap wine and pity and I'm thinking of you,
I do every year when we count all our blessings
and wonder what we're doing here.

You're a disgrace to the concept of family.
The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily
and I'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet,
you can deck out a lie in a suit.
But I won't buy it.
I won't join the procession that's speaking their piece,
using five dollar words while praising his integrity.
Just 'cause he's gone, it doesn't change that fact:
bastard in life, thus a bastard in death.

-Death Cab for Cutie

Finder's Keepers

Everyday,
I dig myself a grave
I can't go into that place
where I feel so displaced

Toss and turn
these sleepless nights are getting to me
my coping mechanisms thrown out the door
and I'm so desperate
Drenched in worry...
the future seems so far away
the future that I dare to taste
how easily it crumbles in my dreams

When I had these visions of you and me and everything
works in perfect harmony
Life seems okay if even for a little while
I know
I know
this feels like the only thing that I can
do right.

fingers intertwined

sleepless tonight;
but I'm right where I want to be.
Wrapped up safe in memories
of you & me.

Neon Desert

Blue

&

Green

these neon jets soar
traverse the landscape at brilliant apeed
their blazing tails trail
the scene is breath taking majesty
it's here in the dark when life becomes alive again

blue next to green
race over ground
seconds to minutes & minutes to miles
Green kicks it up a bit
blue responds well
now neon ribbons intertwine
revolving rockets light up the sky
belonging only to each other.

You're Elusive

I want it
need it
gotta have it

happiness
what I would give to feel happy again

Bubbles

You hold me captivated,
traveling softly on trundles of wind
my bright eyes are wonder
they're taking you in.
My childhood reflects in your soapy film.

straighten up

I can finally see things clearly.
I've got all of my priorities straight.
I'm no longer blind,
but certain.
The veil has been lifted.
Once again, I am driven with a vision.

Never Compensated

I was doomed at birth.

The world is getting to me again....

It's this feeling I can't shake.

The anchor in my belly

grounds me here

while I

want to cut it all off

float up to the sky

be covered with clouds

get tangled in sunrays

bathe myself in shades of blue

the stars never looked better,
you never looked better,
I'm coming home back to you.

Rut

I feel a frustration because I want to be closer to God, but I cant figure out how to do this. Also, I really need to talk to someone about gifts. The bible talks about the talents God has given everyone, and using these gifts to honor God in the best way possible. I'm having a hard time recognizing my gifts. When I think about it, all I come up with is pokemon. Gee ain't that swell(that there deer down yonder hill lol ij). Now what in the heck am I suppossed to do with that!? Come on, I need more to work with here. thats why I want to talk to someone. I need a kickstart into discovering these gifts so I can use them to their full potential. Otherwise, I'm just anxious. What in the heck is in store for me?
I'll probably have to wait a long time to put two & two together.
I really need consolation for this. D:
It bothers me a lot.

Fitted Together

I found God,
on the corner of loss and life.
He looked at me and turned away quickly.
Up off my knees, I ran after him
through the dark.
The branches stung
but not as much as my heavy heart.

It starts with...

a smile


and a 'hi'

then we get to the talking

non-stop laughter

and non-stop joking

quiet, slow
then
louderand
faster
and everything within myvisionblurstogether
we'respinngingaroundjustyouandmetrapsingthroughourfantasy
thunderandlightningsaltandpepper
cant have one
without the


other.

Slowed Wake

Na NA NA nothing ever matters
when you are la love sick like me
it's undeniable, uncurable
and slowly festering in me
I knew this would cause problems but you
can't reverse the time
I say it over (over) over again
my cliches spin on diamond ryhmes

When hormones tell a lie
and chemicals play monopoly with your brain
You're landing on my hotels
but you seem to never pay
I'm coming up on empty
and I'm shriveling away
These deeds are never done
in the hands of the crusader

Traversed Morphology

I can hear your rifts through the highs and lows of this
complicated electronic euphoria
You're that one,
that rocketship to the moon
riding the climax on the edge of oblivion
sweeping through the starry night
casting glitter
on your sparkling skin
Lighting my world
eyes on fire
speeding through my blood
consuming me in ectasy.

When I Go Down- Relient K

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
This very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I life my eyes up to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To life me up again

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes it's head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I heardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of You
And when they say I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I life my eyes up to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To life me up again

Reprise

Never forget that we looked like giants.

Mangled

Dear God,

I love you so much.
Thank you for loving me
no matter what, for being there,
for listening. It makes me really happy
when I think about the agape love you have
for me and everything else on this beautiful planet.

Amen.

Imagine that.

You're beautiful
oh so beautiful
I can get you out of my head
lovely you are
my everything
I'll never let you go.

I'm like

The Kanye West
of this generation
running my mouth without
hesitation
I say this
when I really mean that
who cares now
I'm always up to bat
I'll bring stunted perspective to each
conversation
it doesn't belong to me, but hey - it's retaliation
you don't get me
but I knew you wouldn't
if you could keep pace
I wouldn't be so lost.
Caught in this dream
I suffocate
no air
All I want from you is
to answer my prayer
that there could be someone
out there in this galaxy that
could be my rhapsody
could be in spite of me
I'm walking down the street
with my swagger shades on;
you can't see me
I'm already long gone.
I'm the smoke that you see but
have trouble grasping
I'm filling up your lungs while
your choking and gasping
you all ain't got nothing on me,
got nothing on a star
that shines so brightly.

Thunderbolts

I'm dreaming.
I've been searching
The landscape is this:
everything white, but the air is a brilliant white blue.
There are two monstourous white doors one in front of the other
congruent
20 feet apart
The atmosphere is strange.
heavy.
forboding.
eerie.
They stand omniously.
I walk past the first.
Suddenly my soul feels like it is being torn away from my body
I'm almost consious now,
I fight it. My blood is boiling hot and running up through my head
my mind is hazy. It feels like I'm crossing over
into a new dimension parallel to this one. The land between the lving, and the dead.
My soul still hangs in the balance,
I feel I am going to die.
Eventually
I slowly slip back into
the land mines of sleep.
I think I'm dead,
until I wake up the next morning with everybone in my body aching
and a thin
film of sweat covering my every inch.
I shudder
shake
and fall back to sleep.
You get used to it.
Eventually.

I'm Done

playing games.
Next time,
I'll pounce on you, bite your neck
and shake
until it snaps or you
suffocate.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

You're wearing off on me
your annoyingly crazy
foaming mouth
runs
endless like time
pounding my eardrums
you're running around
damn chicken with a head cut off
you're slapping everyone around you
and you don't even realize it.
Would you just knock it off?

Quickly Now!

Call them up,
tell'em that I'm dead,
They didn't need me anymore,
so they chopped off my head.

They used me up,
and they bled me dry,
they left me there to fester
now they left me here cry.

I'm surprised I wasn't dead before,
I'm always afraid I can't take much more.

They never stop
one day I'll snap
they'll get whats there's
and then I'll nap.

All of a sudden,
it's all my fault.
I hate you.

The Universal Sign of Jacey

It's three feet tall,
and starts with clenched fists,
bent at the elbows
that punch the air
and jerk downward
face scrunched she
lets out a satisfyling, gravely low HAH!
quickly followed by her smile and
brilliant diamond eyes
and my dinosaur rawr of laughter.
Of coarse we all know,
this is the universal sign of Jacey.

Blood-shot

You should fight for what you believe in,
but don't be blind,
and for that matter, don't be deaf either.

They could have done better with the crayola

It's falling apart right here in my hands,
waxy bits of lagoon blue,
all over my only evidence
of our love.
It's me and you.

The sky in the background
looked dreary to me
so I went and fixed it up.
I drew in some clouds
above the old brick buildings
took the mahaghony and russets to the air.
Black midnight gave the crows definition
and blue lagoon was supposed to be there.
beaming up over the skyline
the only hint that day was descending.

But like our love,
it fell apart in my hands,
made a mess of what was left,
made us want to forget.
Turn the clocks back
think it through
I knew what I had to do,
Like robins egg
there was the blue,
There was my thumb,
and there was you.
A blur smudges you out,
Makes you one with trees.

I sank down to fetal,
realized what I had done.
The inevitable
had blindsided me,
even though I knew
it was there all along....

That same expression, still hangs on my face.

Time Is Never On Your Side

The days are getting longer,
while our lives are getting shorter.
These things in my locker pile up,
and mold is getting on my coat.
I smell the smell of that rotten
cheese
stinking up the balcony and I
just wish I was anywhere but here.
It's hard to settle down,
in a place where secrets lie,
and years and years are just
letting go,
and years and years are just
flying by.
Now I'm sitting on the park bench
watching my breath catch the air
before I completey, undeniably, melt into you.
My fingers race the keyboard,
my phone is going to die,
and all I can think of is you,
and getting through with this reply.

Wolf In Sheeps Clothing

Whenever I see you,
I wonder if you know how uncomfortable you make me feel.
My heart goes into overdrive
tears into thousands of lead pieces
and rattle painful shakes into
my lungs.
I forget where to look,
I don't want to catch your eye.
I end up catching the eyes of thousands of others.
Unbearable.
I fight my mind
armed to the teeth
to keep those rrestless memories
back in their cage.
Torture.
I just wish you would leave.
Oh beautiful mystery,
why must you haunt me?
The ghost of the past,
of something that was,
will never leave.
You're my wolf,
in sheep's clothing.

Seadogs

For I knew
that my salty eyes
were not conditioned enough
to brave your
treacherous
wake of waves.

The Grimly Machines

	In the land of Abert Lea, There are cloud grazing robots. Hull and pieces of glittering metallic machinery. Some had three eyes, some had one, some had two. Dormant during day, opening them at night. Flood lights, their eyes pierce the dark. They shake off the sleep with the satisfaction of recharge, and start trodding through the city. The ones with wings fly into the night, their gears screeching against metal body cavites. They are here to protect the city.
	Late one night, light shone upon me. I was frightened. The brookside giant was the biggest of all, its barbaric head shiveling to find me. Zeroed in, it opened its mouth defeaning thunder, some sort of alarm imploded from the monsters wrenching gut.
	It shook the earth from its shoulders and started to rise. I ran. Why It wanted me I did not know. I heard frantic demanding shouts behind and flashes of red and blue lit up my path into the woods. Captured. I was bound and gagged, thrown into the back of a truck, and driven into a fortress. Bewildered eyes drank the scene like it was alcohol A compounded village within a city. One day has passed. Drugged as I was, I don't remember anything much. All I knew, was that I had to escape. That is when they sent the prowler after me. Dirt at my heels I overshot the fence and rolled down the cliffside, rocks lacerating lace across my shoulder and back. The prowler nose dives after me. Wild golden eyes locked on their target talons clicking in anticipation. A hole finds itself accompanied by me. Earth is whipped out of place as the proweler lands over my saviour. Spewing Hisses and viscous claws digg at the hole. My eyes are clouded with dirt, I can feel the earth below me give out. I land with a thud on the floor of a glass cavern with windows. Scrambling up I ran to the otherside I break the walls of this pristine glass chamber and plummet. Well I thought I was falling... I realize I am part machine.

LSF baby :)

I WISH I COULD SLEEP THAT WOULD BE amazing C:
Im going to crash soon I can FEEL IT!
I'll hit rock bottom.
Most likely tomorrow during J-10.
It has always been hard for me to go to sleep,
progressively getting worse.
Once I fall alseep though, I never want to wake up.
WHERE DID MY MELOTONIN GO!?
Without it I am nothing in the night D: